Fat, Men and Other Oddities.

Fat.....Yes I have it and NO, I don't want it.

Men.....No I don't have one and maybe I want one.....I think, still not quite sure yet.

Other Oddities.......We dont want to really go there, I have oddities in abundance....Okay, Maybe we will go there a little bit, Hahaha.

Believe it or not, All three of these things tie right in together and it all happened at once yesterday!

So, To begin with....Fat. Or to be more specific, my fat.

My Stomach Fat. It needs to go. It's no longer welcome here and needs to find a new home.

So here is the story of how I got the extra squishy around the middle. Last November, just a few days after Thanksgiving, my left knee blew out completely. (See icky gross picture below) Kneecap sitting on the side of my knee, screaming pain, rolling on the ground, alot of tears and I think I threw up a little. Not a good day for Amy to say the least. (Makes Sad Panda Face)



As a result of this horribleness, On December 3rd I went in for reconstructive surgery (Bolts, Bailing Wire and I think some Duct Tape) and was put in a soft cast from my hip to my ankle for 3 months...Count em, 1, 2, 3 months....AAACCCKKK. Not only was I in a cast for that long, I was not allowed to walk on this leg for 2 months and subsequently I was laid up in bed for 8 weeks. The result of this forced confinement was an extra 30 pounds around my already squishy middle and my nice plump behind was now a wide flat dimpled parking space. This makes for a very squishy yet very sad Amy.

Now...#2 on the list. MEN

I love men, I really do. I am a firm heterosexual. ( I like the wiener!!!!LOL) However, the men that have been in my life over the last three years have really made me into a basket case. I view myself as slightly emotionally retarded where relationships with men are concerned anyway. And who could blame me?

I am divorced. I was married for 15 years but it ended badly...and when I say badly, I mean BADLY!!!!!!! So there is strike #1

The few men I dated after the divorce only wanted 1 thing...Yup....Pooty! Now I'm all down for the pooty but I want to be wanted for just more than that. And not to mention, most of the guys were complete ass hat chauvinist piggies. My faith in good men in this world had been shaken at this point.

Strike #2

Well, All Chauvinist assholes aside, I did meet this one guy, I really really liked him and I thought he really really liked me.....Why did I think he liked me as much as I liked him? Well, number 1, he told me so and like the silly thing I can be, I believed him. number 2, The pooty was MIND BLOWING and lastly number 3, one of the Oddities I spoke of earlier in this post did let me know, (Actually screamed at me) THIS IS THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was not a chauvinist, but still slightly an Asshat. (he hid the asshattery very well and when it showed itself it was to a very bare minimum...he is a man after-all) the long and short of it boils down to, He is a good good man with alot of love in his heart but has commitment issues. The ending came last July when he told me he had no real feelings for me and said he looked at me as more of a sister than anything but he didn't want to see me again (I think his exact words were...I am removing myself from your path and that I will never see him again...Insert broken heart here)

Strike #3

How does this all tie together?

Well, because of the knee surgery and the extra squishyness I have accumulated, this has been sending me to the park since mid march to walk and walk and walk. The knee needs to get stronger and the Rear End needs to get smaller. So how does me being in the park walking my squishy off all tie into the Man issue?

Back in May, I was doing my daily rounds of the park enjoying the sunshine and breezy air when guess who drives right past me? You guessed it... that guy .....Hmmmmm, I thought to myself. Interesting. I kept walking. As I rounded the corner I saw him with a bunch of his friends doing whatever it was they were doing in the park that evening. I kept walking but thought the whole damn thing was very interesting.

Over the last few weeks I have seen him there off and on with his friends and I know for a fact that he has seen me.....Example of how I know he has seen me.....about 2 weeks ago when he almost ran me over.

Now, Last but not least...#3. Oddities

Even though I still have feelings for good old Wally, And even though I had worked through the heart break and general Ickyness he had caused and have been able to move on, I had decided it would be best for me to start walking in another park so as not to exacerbate the situation. So I made a decision that last night I would not go to the usual place that I would try somewhere new. And As I have said in other posts.....Yup....Big Witch over here....Have this odd thing about me where my guides will out and out talk to me and tell me the things I need to be doing. So as I am sitting putting on my tennis shoes to get ready to go to the new park, I get a very and I mean VERY strong message to go to the old park.

But but but....Nuuuuuuuuuuu....I dun wanna
Message comes through to me again......Yeeessssssssssssssssssss go to the old park...do et, Do Et, DO ET NOW!!! (That and the Two of Cups fell out of my Tarot deck and lay at my feet staring up at me mockingly...Yeah yeah yeah)

So like the good kid that I am......Where do I go...Yup the old park, Just like I was told to do. I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked. He was there and yes he looked good, But here's the deal, I am tired of this type of effort on my part when the man has clearly told me he is not interested. When it all boils down to it, I am not walking in that park to see him...If he wants to see me, he knows where to find me, and maybe....and thats a BIG maybe...I will talk back to him, (Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings for him and I would MAYBE be open to speaking with him and lets face it, He did look Yummy and I know whats truly deep down in his heart) but for now, I am walking in that park for me. I am walking there to enjoy this place that I love, to get myself into shape, help my knee heal and to learn to have a joy of my body again. I love the man, I always will, but after all these strikes, being able to trust a man again is up for debate.

In the mean time, I do listen to my guides, I do follow their instructions because they have never and I mean NEVER let me down and everything has worked out for the absolute best because of them, so believe me when I say, I go forward with their words in my ears with perfect love and perfect trust. I don't know why when or how this is all going to work out and end, All I can do is live in the moment. Feel the breeze on my cheeks, the sun on my shoulders and the joy in my heart for my wonderful wonderful life.

I Live Laugh and Love, and in the end thats how it is suppose to be

Brightest Blessings to one and all