It's So Feng Shui

Last Thursday I went to a Feng Shui Dream Board class at the Golden Braid Bookstore taught by my friend Jade. What this class did was give us all an insight to the importance of Feng Shui and how we can manifest out dreams through this Chinese practice of placement and energy flow.

According to the website http://www.whatisfengshui.net/ "Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese practice. It is the art of placing and arranging matter and space in the correct manner such that harmony with the environment is achieved. This harmony can refer to the harmony in the home, in relationships, in wealth and many other aspects in our lives. The practice has been around for several thousands of years and is still practiced in China and many parts of the world up to this day."

What I have found through alot of study is Feng Shui is a very important practice that has proven results. What else I have found out is.....Feng Shui is a pain in the ass.

Do you know how hard it is to Feng Shui a small apartment? Its damn near impossible. Its been driving me nuts for the last two days. There are only so many positions you can put a couch in your apartments living room and apparently none of the places I can put my couch is Feng Shui friendly.

According to this same website I cited above you can also improve your romantic life through Feng Shui...

"Feng Shui Tip
Want to improve your romance? First, clean up your home and free it from clutter. This is because a messy or cluttered room does not promote proper flow of chi. Instead it will leave it stagnant and stale."

Okay...I can agree with that (looks in her scary closet and shudders at the thought of cleaning it out.....Not to mention the recliner full of dirty laundry that has been sitting there over a week)

Feng Shui Tip
"Bedroom, for most of us, is for rest and relaxation only. Hence, do not bring work into the bedroom as the stress of work will permeate the feeling of harmony and make your love life stressful. It is also advisable not to work out in the bedroom as well since the strain and exertion of your exercise could remain and affect your love life. That is Feng Shui Bedroom for you."

But...But...But....I live in a one bedroom apartment and the only place I have room to put my computer is in my bedroom...and since most of my work consists of being on the computer....Dose that mean I'm fucked in the romance department?

Another article I read also stated you shouldn't have any mirrors in your bedroom as others can remove the good flow of Chi through them.....What...The...Hell?...My bedroom is nothing but mirrors. I have a huge mirror over my sink...yes my bathroom sink is in my bedroom..don't ask, my place is tiny....my walk in closet with sliding doors is nothing but mirror and is right in front of my bed...which apparently is also a big no no. So according to Feng Shui...I will never get laid again. That makes me a sad panda.

And according to another article it is optimal to have your bathroom located in the Northwest section of your home.....You can Feng Shui your bathroom?...Well, I guess optimal flow of Chi can help you in there...Get it...Flow...yeah...I'm that good...lol....Funny enough....that is the only thing in my tiny little apartment that is Feng Shui friendly. My bathroom sits directly in the Northwest quadrant of my home. Woohoo me....Bring on the steak...its flowing through baby!

Now apparently if you cannot Feng Shui your furniture and possessions in a optimal flow pattern (Looks at her cramped little space and sighs) you can place things in your home called Feng Shui Cures. A Feng Shui Cure consists of placing an object in a certain spot in your home facing a certain direction to nullify the bad chi and/or to help the flow of good chi into your home.

A cure can be something like a small statue of a Dragon or a Phoenix placed just right. You can get a money tree and place it by your door to help the flow of money come into the home. But be careful, if that part of your home is not in accordance to the Chinese Bagua then you can be doing it all for nothing.

What is A Bagua you ask? Another very important step in the process of Feng Shuing your home. (Is Feng Shuing even a word? I don't care, I'm using it.) It is an 8 sided map or compass to where things in your home should be placed. North South East West Northeast Southeast Northwest and Southwest. In general, The Bagua is another tool that is a pain in the ass. Important....but a huge pain none the less.

Example....The Southwest of your bedroom should be Feng Shui devoted to love and romance.

Well, in the Southwest of my room I have a bathroom medicine cabinet and a bathroom sink. (told you, tiny apartment) And to top it all off...Mirrors EVERYWHERE.......AAACCCKKK. No love for Amy.

How in the hell do you Feng Shui a medicine cabinet and a bathroom sink? All I could do is buy a few cures. I have my Dream Board that is dedicated to love and romance sitting on top of the medicine cabinet...(Its very pretty there and looks down on my as I sleep, all pink and sparkly full of pictures of happy couples holding hands and kissing) and underneath the cabinet I have put two peaking ducks...a cure for the Feng Shui of love.)

Now...Anyone who knows me knows that I am a witch and a Celtic Witch at that. I practice a very old ancient Celtic Irish path of the craft, I work with old Celtic Deities and I love every bit of what I do. Feng Shui however is something very new to me and its confusing the ever living fuck out of me.

Please readers, Don't think I am here bashing the ancient art of Feng Shui, I'm not. It's something I have seen in practice and I have seen it work. It's a practice that has been around for centuries with very proven results. Results I want to be a part of. I want more money flowing into my life, I want love to walk right through my door, sweep me off my feet and take me straight to my bedroom (Waggles Eyebrows suggestively)But holy fuck am I limited in what I can and can't do in my tiny space.

So in conclusion, I keep reading on this ancient art and I keep finding new horrors in my home that are Feng Shui killers and I do my best to cure them. I will keep you updated on the struggle and hopefully I will have some good results soon.

Happy Feng Shuing.