All I've Ever Wanted

Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi
Rwyf bob amser yn cael a bob amser yn
Os gwelwch yn dda deffro i fyny ac yn fy ngweld fel yr wyf yn wirioneddol am i chi
Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi

You looked the same. Yet it was better than last time.
It was hard to explain but you looked so good to me.

I'd been given the chance to revisit an old hurt.
I fought against it but yielded in the end and felt it all again.
Oh my how I have grown but can still embrace you just as you are.

Honestly this scares the hell out of me.
This fear has me chilled down to the bone.
Can you blame me?
I sit and listen quietly to all you have you say.
Yet in my head all I can hear is....*It's me, It's me, Oh my God I'm right in front of you, It's me!!!!!*

This is the old story and I don't want that any longer.
We have a chance for a new story. 
This time I want the story to be about communication, reciprocation and bonding.

I've been told *Patience, Patience*
[Sigh] The story of my life.

I'm tired of the doubt, the hurt and confusion.
All I've ever wanted was for you to hold my hand and never let go.
All I've ever wanted is just you.

Prayers to St. Expedite

 I have always had an interest in the unusual. I'm always digging for the deeper meanings to life and have a firm grasp on taking my own spirituality into my own hands

The last few months I have learned a great deal about a seldom heard of Saint named St. Expedite. He is the patron Saint of emergencies. He is the "Why put off to tomorrow what you can do today" kind of Saint. He is wonderful at bringing around financial relief in a  hurry. He only asks for a nice glass of spring water, some red flowers (Roses preferably) and a nice slice of pound cake. (Totally serious about that one. Sara Lee if you can get it!) 

A BIT OF HISTORY 

It is said that Expedite or "Expeditus" was a Roman Centurion who lived in the 4th century AD. It is believed he was beheaded around 303 AD

The most popular legend surrounding the saint says that the day when he decided to become a Christian,the Devil took the form of a crow (a snake in some versions of the legend) and told him to defer his conversion until the next day, but Expeditus stamped on the bird and killed it, declaring, "I'll be a Christian today!"

WHAT HE DOES AND HOW HE HELPS

St. Expedite is prayed to in urgent causes and for speedy solutions.

He can also be prayed to or "Invoked" to help overcome obstacles that are in the way of your financial planning and success.

I have invoked him to help bring in money that it urgently and unexpectedly needed.

You can ask St. Expedite for a divine favor in finding work, money to pay your rent, medical bills and a ton of other pressing needs.

PRAYERS AND INVOCATIONS

FINANCIAL EMERGENCIES

To petition Saint Expedite for financial emergencies is to take a white and a green candle, carve your name on them lengthwise. Light the candles (and continue lighting the candles and praying to him until you receive his answer.) Have faith and do not doubt his power or willingness to help you.

Write on a piece of paper EXACTLY what you need and why you need it

Pray to Saint Expedite

I call forth the Power and the presence of St. Expedite in my time of financial trouble. I offer my body, heart, mind and soul upon your altar of light. I have faith and trust and complete confidence that you will be my strength in this time of need. Quickly come to my assistance.
Bring to me ____________ (Clearly express what you want, and ask him to find a way to get it to you.)
My financial need is urgent. Be my Light and Guide in this situation so that I may live with peace, love, prosperity and abundance and in the Praise of God.
Amen.
(Now promise to give Saint Expedite a specific offering If your desire is granted.)


FOR QUICK HELP

Light a Red and a yellow candle and recite the prayer every night until you get your wish

Saint Expedite, you lay in rest.
I come to you and ask that this wish be granted.

____________ (Clearly express what you want, and ask him to
find a way to get it to you.)

Expedite now what I ask of you.
Expedite now what I want of you, this very second.
Don't waste another day.
Grant me what I ask for.
I know your power, I know you because of your work.
I know you can help me.
Do this for me and I will spread your name with love and honor
so that it will be invoked again and again.
Expedite this wish with speed, love, honor, and goodness.
Glory to you, Saint Expedite!

As you recite this prayer, light a candle to Saint Expedite next to a glass of water for the Saint. Recite daily until the request is granted, then be sure to give Saint Expedite a gift. Also you can place an ad in the newspaper thanking Saint Expedite, Blog about it But be sure to spread his name and what he has done for you so that his name and glory will spread and grow.

These are just a few examples of how to Invoke or pray to this wonderful Saint

He has helped me and I know he can help you

Brightest Blessings and Much Love

Of Old Friends

Yes, Yes they are.

Mé riamh stop grámhara tú 

Tá tú mar sin go domhain in mo chroí a dhéanann 

sé iomlán dom tá tú ingrained isteach 

i mo a bheith an-. Tá tú mar chuid de m'anam. 

I had thought this door was closed.
I mourned this but moved past it.
I constantly lied to myself and said I didn't miss it.
 But I did.
When the door was reopened I was glad.
I walked right through Scared to death.
I have had my fingers slammed in this door far to many times.
I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and walked right through.
I keep risking it because
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.

I was told I had to do the work.
The message came very persistently.
Gladly I sat in the Darkness and Candle Light
Feeling you. Hearing You. Knowing you again.
I had lied to myself.
I did miss this work.
I did it gladly with an open heart,
I keep working because
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.

We have a contract to fulfill.
It is my greatest work to fulfill this promise.
With an open heart and now open eyes,
I walk through this door with much gratitude.
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends and I welcome this.

 )O(
With much love!

I Hate You Amy

Yup, You heard that correctly.

I hate you Amy!!!!!

Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't hate myself. Not in the slightest. In fact I rather like myself these days. I'm not being big headed or conceded, I just really like the direction my life has taken me in and I'm enjoying the ride very much. Even the bumpy parts. Self Actualization and Contentment kinda rock!

What I am talking about is an event that happened to me last September. I know that was such a long time ago and I have actually been sitting on this little nugget until the right time.  I was told by my Friend, Guide and Patron, (The Great Grecian Goddess Hekate no less!!!!, Don't hate cause I run with a pretty hip crowd) that the time to address this situation is now.

The first part of September I was sitting at work when I checked my personal Email. (I work for such a cool company that they let me do that!!!!) when I noticed I received an email. This email wasn't titled but it came from a sender named "Hate You". I checked the email address and it came from an address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com

Wow. That's alot of hate. I was floored, baffled  and highly confused. The email went something like this:

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From: hate you
To: cowchick803@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 11:16 AM
Subject:

There has been unfairness done to me 
I summon the elements 
I Invoke them 
I conjure them to do my bidding 
The four watchtowers shall lay their eyes and minds 
There shall be fear, guilt, and bad blood 
There shall be submission and no pity 
I point the 3 fold law against thee 
Against thee it shall be pointed 
 3 fold, a hundred fold is the cost for 
My anger and pain 
Thee shall be blinded 
By the fear 
Blinded by my pain 
Blinded by me 
Blinded by me 
CURSED BY ME

I've invoked Carmen, God of cursing prepare yourself

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Um Wow. I was being cursed.........Through Email. Hahahahahahahaha

I literally had no words

Until now

About a month ago I tried to respond back to the email address listed above but surprisingly enough *Cough, yeah right, Cough* the email is no longer active and my response was returned. 

Well, This is my forum and I have a pretty damned good idea who sent this to me and I know this individual follows my every move (Yeah they are that kinda people) So here is my response to you Ihateyouamy

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I know this was sent to me a long time ago. The time is now right to address this situation.

I just want to point out how much hateful energy it took to create an email address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com. Even as a joke this was just mean and cruel. Not to me, but to yourself. I can never imagine using so much precious personal energy in the pursuit of hate. There are too many wonderful things in life to enjoy and to spend that all wonderful precious energy on other than hate.

If you are going to mess around in Witchcraft you need to know a little bit about the Law of Attraction. The feelings and energy we put out to the universe we receive back 3 fold. If you are putting so much hateful energy into anything you do you can expect to get that hateful energy back 3 times stronger. If you ever wonder why there are times your life seems like it’s gone down the toilet, Don't look to outside sources. Look within yourself. Look to your actions and your thoughts and feelings. Look at how you have treated other people that have come across your path. 
Look to yourself. 

This is the law of Karma.

I want you to know, I don't hate you. I don't even really know who you are (although I have a very very good idea.) In fact I bless you. I bless you with knowledge and love and safety and security and everything you deserve in this life. I bless you with the love and perfect energy of the Archangel Michael. I hope he can guide you and protect you in the way you need. I pray to the Goddess Brighd on your behalf that you may find the light and fire within to heal and grow and be the person you were always meant to be. But if this happens again please know I will protect myself in the best way I know how. I will protect myself through the dark Goddess Hekate.

Please know that this spell never affected me in any way but I can tell it affected you. I hope this was a good lesson in Karma and not to be messing around in things that you know nothing about

I wish you well and offer to you the brightest blessings

Amy

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That was my original email to this person. I would like to add a few last things. I sent this off about a month ago and found out a few hours after that it came back to me as undeliverable.  I have since been able to find out a bit more (Well, more than just a bit) about the person who sent this hate. I am 99.9999999% sure of the person who sent it. 

I will not name any names here just for feelings sake. But, I will tell you this. All of your issues and problems that you have been going through over the last little while I know that you have pinned them on me. You did this without thinking or without proof. You did this out of blind jealousy. I did not create your problems. You did. The universe hears our words and takes our feelings and will give them all right back to us. 

Example: The man who sits and worries and states over and over again, "I hope I don't get cancer I hope I don't get cancer." Do you know what The Universe just heard?.....GET CANCER. So that is what The Universe gives him

Example #2: The man who sits and ponders and states, "I am so grateful for my health and my good fortune and all the good things I have in my life." The Universe has just heard.....GRATEFUL FOR HEALTH WEALTH FORTUNE AND GOOD THINGS. That is exactly what The Universe gives him. 

The more that we are thankful for the good things in our lives the more The Universe will give those things to back to us.  The more we fill our lives with hate, anger and jealousy we find that there is no room left for the good things that we want and need in our lives. We find that we have filled our minds and our hearts with garbage because that is the energy we have put out to The Universe and that the the energy The Universe has given back in return. The only Magick I have ever preformed concerning you was too protect myself from your hateful bile and poisonous energy. All I wanted was to be left peacefully alone but you couldn't let that happen. I did not give you this garbage, this garbage is all of your own making. Maybe it's time for you to start taking out the trash. You have alot of house cleaning to do. Better get started before it's too late and you loose more than you already have lost. 

I once again wish for you peace, joy, love and happiness. I hope you can turn things around before it is too late. Learn from your mistakes and move onward and upwards.

I wish for you nothing but the brightest blessings.

Confessions of a Crazy White Woman

I CONFESS....I am ready for that perfect guy to finally come into my life. My timing where love is concerned has been WAAAYYYYY off for about 4 years now and I'm completely done with that.

I have found that I can live very well and comfortably on my own with no partner around. The issue is....I want a partner around. Not to save me from a sad lonely life and not to help me financially, I just want companionship. I have so much good stuff going on in my life right now and I want to share that with someone special

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I CONFESS....that I miss holding hands

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I Confess....that I miss my noisy little room mate Mr. Nibbles. He passed away last Tuesday and I genuinely miss that noisy little guy. I miss being woken up at 4 in the morning to listen to him wrestle with his cookie or run on his wheel or try to climb his water bottle in a failed attempt for freedom. He was about 2 years old, blind as a bat and his poor little heart just gave out on him. Rest Easy you Russian bastard, I will miss you!

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I Confess....that I'm very tired off all the Bullshit back and forth on Facebook between my Pagan and Christian friends. There are certain Heathen's out there who want to point the finger at Christians for the troubles Pagans have been through throughout the centuries and there are certain Christians out there threatening to beat some Christianity into my heathen friends.



Okay folks, Let me straighten this out for you. Yes, I am Pagan, A full out Heathen and I love every second of it! And Yes, Jesus is my Friend!!!

Hold on, Hold on, I didn't say Savior, I said Friend.

My belief is that Jesus didn't die for my sins, My sins are my sins alone and its up to me to fix the mistakes I've made. However, Jesus gave me the tools to do just that. He taught me to live a life filled with love, joy, giving, healing and hope. To me Jesus was the most gifted Shaman the world has ever seen. I truly feel that beating Christianity into a bunch of Pagans is NOT and I repeat NOT what Jesus had in mind. What ever happened to Love one another. So to all my Christian friends I am going to give you a little bit of Buddhist advice.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost" ~The Dalai Lama~



To all my Heathen brothers and sisters, I have a BIG word of Advice...Chill the fuck out.

I know there are some of you out there that still feel the burning times. You still feel the assimilation we were forced to go through. You still feel the robbery of land, life and religion that the early Christians put us through.

I feel it too.

But the thing about it is....It happened CENTURIES ago. Yes, Christians took our calendar and holidays and have made them their own and had forced us to assimilate to their will. They burned us as Witches because they were scared of our power.

This however is today. Be proud of your choice of path you have taken and don't let the past get in the way. Learn from it and keep it close to your heart, but don't let it mire you in such hate that you miss the forest for the trees. We are Pagan, We are Proud, Live as an example of love, healing and forgiveness with a heart full of love and life!!!! Its time to let it go and just be who we were made to be. HEATHEN



And just remember.....As Heathens, We get to see the Fae and Christians don't!!! LOL. So at the least we have that one on them!!!!

I send you lots of love and brightest blessings

Blessed Be my friends