You are my best friend.
I have never felt a connection to another person like I have with you.
You're the one I've chosen. I'm the one you've chosen.
We chose each other centuries upon centuries ago and we keep choosing each other over and over again.
Yes, you fight against it at times. That's the soldier inside of you saying, It's my way and not God's way.
I asked a mystic once why falling in love with you has been so hard. He smiled his mystical smile and stated "Because this is right!"
Being in love with you is one of the hardest things that I've ever been through. I continue and I stay patient "Because this is right!"
As I concentrate on why this is right and think about why you treat me the way you do sometimes (All the way from the good, the bad and to the indifferent), I think back to the times we've shared in the recent past and one night keeps coming back to me.
About 3 months ago we were having dinner together at The Oasis Cafe and having a nice talk. You were going through a really hard time in your life and was in need of a friend, some clarity and insight. As we sat and ate our dinner, you sighed, smiled and said that this was nice and how much you missed doing things like this with me.
As we spoke I was shocked to learn of some of the things that you were going through. I asked you why you never called me, that I was trying to give you an avenue of release, of a person to talk to, to let things out safely so you can feel better. Being the stubborn person you are you said that you didn't want to be a whiner. I told you that there were many times that I needed to call you, that I needed my friend. There were times I was feeling lonely or sad and just wanted to talk. There were times I wanted to share some exciting news or tell you about the weird thing that happened that day. There were times I just wanted to hear your voice and I told you that I felt like at times that I couldn't call you and that I never wanted you to feel that way. You looked shocked and a little sad about this. You took my hand and told me that I should never feel like I could never call to talk to you. I should never feel that I didn't have a friend in you.
During that same dinner you told me that you wanted to be the friend you would want to have. You offered me money. You said you wanted to help me. I told you I was grateful but I would rather you spend your time with me than your money on me. You wrapped your fingers through my mine, smiled and said you understood.
One of the last things you said to me that night was, "Amy, don't wait for me. I know you are and you really shouldn't. I want you to promise me that you wont wait for me." All I could do was smile. I took your hand and told you that I can't promise you that. You looked at me with your most serious look and told me again. "Amy, promise you won't wait for me." I returned your serious look and told you again that I will not promise you that. You did something strange and beautiful and funny that reassured me that you got the answer you were looking for. You smiled, laughed, held my hand tighter and called me a nerd.
Over the last few months you've fallen back into a very old cycle.
You are compartmentalizing your life again. I know where this comes from. Your time in the military taught you to keep all the different parts of your life from interconnecting to each other. It's to keep you and those you love safe. From the outside looking in it makes you seem dishonest and secretive. I know you better than most. Most of the time I know you better than you know yourself. It's not that you are being dishonest its just that there are times you don't want to explain anything to anyone.
You said once that our thing was the talk. We talked about everything. We were open and honest about everything we said. Even if it was something either of us didn't want to hear at least we were being honest. Right now I'm tired. I feel like I can't call you just to talk. Its hard to share and to be open and honest when you wont pick up the phone, when you wont give me the full story, when you hide from me.
When you get in this cycle you're in you end up missing the forest for the trees. You miss the fact that out of everyone I am the only woman who has not gone running for the hills when you get this way. You miss the fact that I have been the one in the background with all the healing, all the love and all the magick.
One day at the end of June you called me out of the blue and said you knew something was wrong and that you were worried about me. I told you all about my troubles and you came right over. That day we spent an amazing afternoon together. That day you listened to your intuition and listened to your heart. That day you followed the right path. That day was a day we connected again on a higher level. That day you showed me just how comfortable you were around me and told me to let go of my insecurities and to feel comfortable around you as well. That day you feel asleep holding me close and holding my hand and wouldn't let go. That day you let go of your ego and touched your empathy towards a woman you cared about. That day you were fully yourself as you were meant to be.
Somewhere along the way you got stuck in your head and forgot all about your heart. Maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer. Maybe you feel that you will suffer a loss of freedom. Maybe you think I am going to ask to much of you. Maybe you have put an ex's face over mine and maybe because of that you get lost in the past and remember the hurt.
All I have ever asked for is honesty, openness and to get back the respect, importance and love that I have given you.
Please pull yourself out of your head and listen to your heart for a moment.
From the moment I met you I heard your song. I am the only one who can hear that song and it is beautiful. I never cared about money or things or what possessions you may have to offer.
All I ever cared about is the song you sing that only I can hear.
Tá mé mise agus go bhfuil tú mianach.
Mbaineann muid le gach ceann eile.
Cruthaithe againn an grá i saol eile agus is é ár post chun é a fheiceáil tríd an saol.
Is é an t-am anseo, is é an t-am ceart agus is é an t-am anois.
Is breá liom tú le mo chroí go hiomlán.
Mbaineann muid le gach ceann eile.
Cruthaithe againn an grá i saol eile agus is é ár post chun é a fheiceáil tríd an saol.
Is é an t-am anseo, is é an t-am ceart agus is é an t-am anois.
Is breá liom tú le mo chroí go hiomlán.
"Sirens"
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens,
Hear the circus so profound.
I hear the sirens
More and more in this here town
Let me catch my breath to breathe
And reach across the bed
Just to know we're safe
I am a grateful man
The slightest bit of light
And I can see you clear
Oh, have to take your hand
And feel your breath for fear this someday will be over
I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever
I didn't care before you were here.
I danced in laughter with the everafter
But all things change
Let this remain
Hear the sirens
Covering distance in the night.
The sound echoing closer.
Will they come for me next time?
For every choice, mistake I've made, it's not my plan
To send you in the arms of another man
And if you choose to stay I'll wait, I'll understand
Oh, it's a fragile thing
This life we lead
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders
Want you to know that should I go
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away.
It's a fragile thing, this life we lead.
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulder
Want you to know that should I go,
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away
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