Love Me Like Johnny Loved June

You are my best friend. 

I have never felt a connection to another person like I have with you. 

You're the one I've chosen. I'm the one you've chosen. 

We chose each other centuries upon centuries ago and we keep choosing each other over and over again. 

Yes, you fight against it at times. That's the soldier inside of you saying, It's my way and not God's way. 

I asked a mystic once why falling in love with you has been so hard. He smiled his mystical smile and stated "Because this is right!"

Being in love with you is one of the hardest things that I've ever been through. I continue and I stay patient "Because this is right!"

As I concentrate on why this is right and think about why you treat me the way you do sometimes (All the way from the good, the bad and to the indifferent), I think back to the times we've shared in the recent past and one night keeps coming back to me.

About 3 months ago we were having dinner together at The Oasis Cafe and having a nice talk. You were going through a really hard time in your life and was in need of a friend, some clarity and insight. As we sat and ate our dinner, you sighed, smiled and said that this was nice and how much you missed doing things like this with me.

As we spoke I was shocked to learn of some of the things that you were going through. I asked you why you never called me, that I was trying to give you an avenue of release, of a person to talk to, to let things out safely so you can feel better. Being the stubborn person you are you said that you didn't want to be a whiner. I told you that there were many times that I needed to call you, that I needed my friend. There were times I was feeling lonely or sad and just wanted to talk. There were times I wanted to share some exciting news or tell you about the weird thing that happened that day. There were times I just wanted to hear your voice and I told you that I felt like at times that I couldn't call you and that I never wanted you to feel that way. You looked shocked and a little sad about this. You took my hand and told me that I should never feel like I could never call to talk to you. I should never feel that I didn't have a friend in you.

During that same dinner you told me that you wanted to be the friend you would want to have. You offered me money. You said you wanted to help me. I told you I was grateful but I would rather you spend your time with me than your money on me. You wrapped your fingers through  my mine, smiled and said you understood.

One of the last things you said to me that night was, "Amy, don't wait for me. I know you are and you really shouldn't. I want you to promise me that you wont wait for me." All I could do was smile. I took your hand and told you that I can't promise you that. You looked at me with your most serious look and told me again. "Amy, promise you won't wait for me." I returned your serious look and told you again that I will not promise you that. You did something strange and beautiful and funny that reassured me that you got the answer you were looking for. You smiled, laughed, held my hand tighter and called me a nerd.

Over the last few months you've fallen back into a very old cycle.

You are compartmentalizing your life again. I know where this comes from. Your time in the military taught you to keep all the different parts of your life from interconnecting to each other. It's to keep you and those you love safe. From the outside looking in it makes you seem dishonest and secretive. I know you better than most. Most of the time I know you better than you know yourself. It's not that you are being dishonest its just that there are times you don't want to explain anything to anyone.

You said once that our thing was the talk. We talked about everything. We were open and honest about everything we said. Even if it was something either of us didn't want to hear at least we were being honest. Right now I'm tired. I feel like I can't call you just to talk. Its hard to share and to be open and honest when you wont pick up the phone, when you wont give me the full story, when you hide from me.  

When you get in this cycle you're in you end up missing the forest for the trees. You miss the fact that out of everyone I am the only woman who has not gone running for the hills when you get this way. You miss the fact that I have been the one in the background with all the healing, all the love and all the magick.  

One day at the end of June you called me out of the blue and said you knew something was wrong and that you were worried about me. I told you all about my troubles and you came right over. That day we spent an amazing afternoon together. That day you listened to your intuition and listened to your heart. That day you followed the right path. That day was a day we connected again on a higher level. That day you showed me just how comfortable you were around me and told me to let go of my insecurities and to feel comfortable around you as well. That day you feel asleep holding me close and holding my hand and wouldn't let go. That day you let go of your ego and touched your empathy towards a woman you cared about. That day you were fully yourself as you were meant to be.

Somewhere along the way you got stuck in your head and forgot all about your heart. Maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer. Maybe you feel that you will suffer a loss of freedom. Maybe you think I am going to ask to much of you. Maybe you have put an ex's face over mine and maybe because of that you get lost in the past and remember the hurt.

All I have ever asked for is honesty, openness and to get back the respect, importance and love that I have given you.

Please pull yourself out of your head and listen to your heart for a moment.

From the moment I met you I heard your song. I am the only one who can hear that song and it is beautiful. I never cared about money or things or what possessions you may have to offer. 

All I ever cared about is the song you sing that only I can hear.

Tá mé mise agus go bhfuil tú mianach.
Mbaineann muid le gach ceann eile.
Cruthaithe againn an grá i saol eile agus is é ár post chun é a fheiceáil tríd an saol.
Is é an t-am anseo, is é an t-am ceart agus is é an t-am anois.
Is breá liom tú le mo chroí go hiomlán.

"Sirens"
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens,
Hear the circus so profound.
I hear the sirens
More and more in this here town
Let me catch my breath to breathe
And reach across the bed
Just to know we're safe
I am a grateful man
The slightest bit of light
And I can see you clear
Oh, have to take your hand
And feel your breath for fear this someday will be over
I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever
I didn't care before you were here.
I danced in laughter with the everafter
But all things change
Let this remain
Hear the sirens
Covering distance in the night.
The sound echoing closer.
Will they come for me next time?
For every choice, mistake I've made, it's not my plan
To send you in the arms of another man
And if you choose to stay I'll wait, I'll understand
Oh, it's a fragile thing
This life we lead
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders
Want you to know that should I go
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away.
It's a fragile thing, this life we lead.
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulder
Want you to know that should I go,
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away

Questions

Have I been a good friend to you? 

Have I always treated you with kindness, love, understanding and respect?

Have I always shown you how much you mean to me and just how much I care about you?

Have I always followed through with my promises?

Have I always done the things I said I would do for you?

Have I always been honest and truthful with you?
Have I always accepted you just the way you are? Flaws, Faults and all?

Have I always done everything I could to make you feel wanted, loved and cared for?

If I have failed in any of these things I am sorry. 

With my whole heart I am sorry.

You are my best friend and I would do anything for you just so I knew you were happy. 

All I have ever wanted was to be respected in the same way I respect you.

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with the golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams beneath your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams..."

 William Butler Yeats

Ní dhéanfaidh aon ní ach Grá

 

Tá cónaí orm taobh istigh do barróg.
Ciallaíonn Do glacadh gach rud
Is breá liom fós tú agus riamh stop
Tá mé ró-scanraithe chun tú a insint do aghaidh mar sin mé in iúl duit anseo.
Is breá liom tú. 

Ná stop a bhfuil mo lámh
Do teas agus do mothú a dhéanamh, dar liom compordach agus grá
Mo Gods daor conas grá agam duit

Riamh Tá sé seo mothú stop
Ba mhaith liom é a fás
Ba mhaith liom tú
Gods a thabhairt dom neart grá agam duit 

All I've Ever Wanted

Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi
Rwyf bob amser yn cael a bob amser yn
Os gwelwch yn dda deffro i fyny ac yn fy ngweld fel yr wyf yn wirioneddol am i chi
Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi

You looked the same. Yet it was better than last time.
It was hard to explain but you looked so good to me.

I'd been given the chance to revisit an old hurt.
I fought against it but yielded in the end and felt it all again.
Oh my how I have grown but can still embrace you just as you are.

Honestly this scares the hell out of me.
This fear has me chilled down to the bone.
Can you blame me?
I sit and listen quietly to all you have you say.
Yet in my head all I can hear is....*It's me, It's me, Oh my God I'm right in front of you, It's me!!!!!*

This is the old story and I don't want that any longer.
We have a chance for a new story. 
This time I want the story to be about communication, reciprocation and bonding.

I've been told *Patience, Patience*
[Sigh] The story of my life.

I'm tired of the doubt, the hurt and confusion.
All I've ever wanted was for you to hold my hand and never let go.
All I've ever wanted is just you.

I Hate You Amy

Yup, You heard that correctly.

I hate you Amy!!!!!

Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't hate myself. Not in the slightest. In fact I rather like myself these days. I'm not being big headed or conceded, I just really like the direction my life has taken me in and I'm enjoying the ride very much. Even the bumpy parts. Self Actualization and Contentment kinda rock!

What I am talking about is an event that happened to me last September. I know that was such a long time ago and I have actually been sitting on this little nugget until the right time.  I was told by my Friend, Guide and Patron, (The Great Grecian Goddess Hekate no less!!!!, Don't hate cause I run with a pretty hip crowd) that the time to address this situation is now.

The first part of September I was sitting at work when I checked my personal Email. (I work for such a cool company that they let me do that!!!!) when I noticed I received an email. This email wasn't titled but it came from a sender named "Hate You". I checked the email address and it came from an address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com

Wow. That's alot of hate. I was floored, baffled  and highly confused. The email went something like this:

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From: hate you
To: cowchick803@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 11:16 AM
Subject:

There has been unfairness done to me 
I summon the elements 
I Invoke them 
I conjure them to do my bidding 
The four watchtowers shall lay their eyes and minds 
There shall be fear, guilt, and bad blood 
There shall be submission and no pity 
I point the 3 fold law against thee 
Against thee it shall be pointed 
 3 fold, a hundred fold is the cost for 
My anger and pain 
Thee shall be blinded 
By the fear 
Blinded by my pain 
Blinded by me 
Blinded by me 
CURSED BY ME

I've invoked Carmen, God of cursing prepare yourself

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Um Wow. I was being cursed.........Through Email. Hahahahahahahaha

I literally had no words

Until now

About a month ago I tried to respond back to the email address listed above but surprisingly enough *Cough, yeah right, Cough* the email is no longer active and my response was returned. 

Well, This is my forum and I have a pretty damned good idea who sent this to me and I know this individual follows my every move (Yeah they are that kinda people) So here is my response to you Ihateyouamy

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I know this was sent to me a long time ago. The time is now right to address this situation.

I just want to point out how much hateful energy it took to create an email address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com. Even as a joke this was just mean and cruel. Not to me, but to yourself. I can never imagine using so much precious personal energy in the pursuit of hate. There are too many wonderful things in life to enjoy and to spend that all wonderful precious energy on other than hate.

If you are going to mess around in Witchcraft you need to know a little bit about the Law of Attraction. The feelings and energy we put out to the universe we receive back 3 fold. If you are putting so much hateful energy into anything you do you can expect to get that hateful energy back 3 times stronger. If you ever wonder why there are times your life seems like it’s gone down the toilet, Don't look to outside sources. Look within yourself. Look to your actions and your thoughts and feelings. Look at how you have treated other people that have come across your path. 
Look to yourself. 

This is the law of Karma.

I want you to know, I don't hate you. I don't even really know who you are (although I have a very very good idea.) In fact I bless you. I bless you with knowledge and love and safety and security and everything you deserve in this life. I bless you with the love and perfect energy of the Archangel Michael. I hope he can guide you and protect you in the way you need. I pray to the Goddess Brighd on your behalf that you may find the light and fire within to heal and grow and be the person you were always meant to be. But if this happens again please know I will protect myself in the best way I know how. I will protect myself through the dark Goddess Hekate.

Please know that this spell never affected me in any way but I can tell it affected you. I hope this was a good lesson in Karma and not to be messing around in things that you know nothing about

I wish you well and offer to you the brightest blessings

Amy

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That was my original email to this person. I would like to add a few last things. I sent this off about a month ago and found out a few hours after that it came back to me as undeliverable.  I have since been able to find out a bit more (Well, more than just a bit) about the person who sent this hate. I am 99.9999999% sure of the person who sent it. 

I will not name any names here just for feelings sake. But, I will tell you this. All of your issues and problems that you have been going through over the last little while I know that you have pinned them on me. You did this without thinking or without proof. You did this out of blind jealousy. I did not create your problems. You did. The universe hears our words and takes our feelings and will give them all right back to us. 

Example: The man who sits and worries and states over and over again, "I hope I don't get cancer I hope I don't get cancer." Do you know what The Universe just heard?.....GET CANCER. So that is what The Universe gives him

Example #2: The man who sits and ponders and states, "I am so grateful for my health and my good fortune and all the good things I have in my life." The Universe has just heard.....GRATEFUL FOR HEALTH WEALTH FORTUNE AND GOOD THINGS. That is exactly what The Universe gives him. 

The more that we are thankful for the good things in our lives the more The Universe will give those things to back to us.  The more we fill our lives with hate, anger and jealousy we find that there is no room left for the good things that we want and need in our lives. We find that we have filled our minds and our hearts with garbage because that is the energy we have put out to The Universe and that the the energy The Universe has given back in return. The only Magick I have ever preformed concerning you was too protect myself from your hateful bile and poisonous energy. All I wanted was to be left peacefully alone but you couldn't let that happen. I did not give you this garbage, this garbage is all of your own making. Maybe it's time for you to start taking out the trash. You have alot of house cleaning to do. Better get started before it's too late and you loose more than you already have lost. 

I once again wish for you peace, joy, love and happiness. I hope you can turn things around before it is too late. Learn from your mistakes and move onward and upwards.

I wish for you nothing but the brightest blessings.

Confessions of a Crazy White Woman

I CONFESS....I am ready for that perfect guy to finally come into my life. My timing where love is concerned has been WAAAYYYYY off for about 4 years now and I'm completely done with that.

I have found that I can live very well and comfortably on my own with no partner around. The issue is....I want a partner around. Not to save me from a sad lonely life and not to help me financially, I just want companionship. I have so much good stuff going on in my life right now and I want to share that with someone special

...............................................................................................................................................................

I CONFESS....that I miss holding hands

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I Confess....that I miss my noisy little room mate Mr. Nibbles. He passed away last Tuesday and I genuinely miss that noisy little guy. I miss being woken up at 4 in the morning to listen to him wrestle with his cookie or run on his wheel or try to climb his water bottle in a failed attempt for freedom. He was about 2 years old, blind as a bat and his poor little heart just gave out on him. Rest Easy you Russian bastard, I will miss you!

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I Confess....that I'm very tired off all the Bullshit back and forth on Facebook between my Pagan and Christian friends. There are certain Heathen's out there who want to point the finger at Christians for the troubles Pagans have been through throughout the centuries and there are certain Christians out there threatening to beat some Christianity into my heathen friends.



Okay folks, Let me straighten this out for you. Yes, I am Pagan, A full out Heathen and I love every second of it! And Yes, Jesus is my Friend!!!

Hold on, Hold on, I didn't say Savior, I said Friend.

My belief is that Jesus didn't die for my sins, My sins are my sins alone and its up to me to fix the mistakes I've made. However, Jesus gave me the tools to do just that. He taught me to live a life filled with love, joy, giving, healing and hope. To me Jesus was the most gifted Shaman the world has ever seen. I truly feel that beating Christianity into a bunch of Pagans is NOT and I repeat NOT what Jesus had in mind. What ever happened to Love one another. So to all my Christian friends I am going to give you a little bit of Buddhist advice.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost" ~The Dalai Lama~



To all my Heathen brothers and sisters, I have a BIG word of Advice...Chill the fuck out.

I know there are some of you out there that still feel the burning times. You still feel the assimilation we were forced to go through. You still feel the robbery of land, life and religion that the early Christians put us through.

I feel it too.

But the thing about it is....It happened CENTURIES ago. Yes, Christians took our calendar and holidays and have made them their own and had forced us to assimilate to their will. They burned us as Witches because they were scared of our power.

This however is today. Be proud of your choice of path you have taken and don't let the past get in the way. Learn from it and keep it close to your heart, but don't let it mire you in such hate that you miss the forest for the trees. We are Pagan, We are Proud, Live as an example of love, healing and forgiveness with a heart full of love and life!!!! Its time to let it go and just be who we were made to be. HEATHEN



And just remember.....As Heathens, We get to see the Fae and Christians don't!!! LOL. So at the least we have that one on them!!!!

I send you lots of love and brightest blessings

Blessed Be my friends

And It Was All Yellow........

I sat next to you as we drove down the small countryside lane and through the chilly autumn sunshine.

You were happy. Happier than I had seen you in such a long time.

As time passed and we rambled down the deserted road the smile on your face grew.

I was happy. It was bliss to just sit next to you and enjoy the comfortable silence.

The car began to slow and drift to the side of the road. I was pulled away from my thoughts and comfort and happiness to see you engulfed in pure joy.

You turned off the car and got out and leaned against the drivers side door. I got out as well and stood next to you. All you could do is stand and stare at the trees turning colors all around us. "Amy, It's so yellow, I haven't seen this color since I was little. This is what God looks like"

Something inside you at that moment finally broke through and reached the surface and your sight...your inner sight...began to clear and show you the beauty of the world around you like you haven't seen in a long time.

You put your arms around me and hugged me close and kissed me on the cheek. You didn't let go for a very very long time. I didn't mind in the least. I felt love bursting at your heart and it was joy!

You let me go and looked at me. Smiling like I had never seen you smile before you told me how you loved the look of my eyes in the autumn sunset and asked me to dive the rest of the way, you wanted to enjoy your new found sight.

I took the wheel and you climbed in the passenger seat. Enraptured at the new color you found in your life, you put your arm around me and we drove onwards, through the country lane, surround by the trees...and it was all yellow.

Fat, Men and Other Oddities.

Fat.....Yes I have it and NO, I don't want it.

Men.....No I don't have one and maybe I want one.....I think, still not quite sure yet.

Other Oddities.......We dont want to really go there, I have oddities in abundance....Okay, Maybe we will go there a little bit, Hahaha.

Believe it or not, All three of these things tie right in together and it all happened at once yesterday!

So, To begin with....Fat. Or to be more specific, my fat.

My Stomach Fat. It needs to go. It's no longer welcome here and needs to find a new home.

So here is the story of how I got the extra squishy around the middle. Last November, just a few days after Thanksgiving, my left knee blew out completely. (See icky gross picture below) Kneecap sitting on the side of my knee, screaming pain, rolling on the ground, alot of tears and I think I threw up a little. Not a good day for Amy to say the least. (Makes Sad Panda Face)



As a result of this horribleness, On December 3rd I went in for reconstructive surgery (Bolts, Bailing Wire and I think some Duct Tape) and was put in a soft cast from my hip to my ankle for 3 months...Count em, 1, 2, 3 months....AAACCCKKK. Not only was I in a cast for that long, I was not allowed to walk on this leg for 2 months and subsequently I was laid up in bed for 8 weeks. The result of this forced confinement was an extra 30 pounds around my already squishy middle and my nice plump behind was now a wide flat dimpled parking space. This makes for a very squishy yet very sad Amy.

Now...#2 on the list. MEN

I love men, I really do. I am a firm heterosexual. ( I like the wiener!!!!LOL) However, the men that have been in my life over the last three years have really made me into a basket case. I view myself as slightly emotionally retarded where relationships with men are concerned anyway. And who could blame me?

I am divorced. I was married for 15 years but it ended badly...and when I say badly, I mean BADLY!!!!!!! So there is strike #1

The few men I dated after the divorce only wanted 1 thing...Yup....Pooty! Now I'm all down for the pooty but I want to be wanted for just more than that. And not to mention, most of the guys were complete ass hat chauvinist piggies. My faith in good men in this world had been shaken at this point.

Strike #2

Well, All Chauvinist assholes aside, I did meet this one guy, I really really liked him and I thought he really really liked me.....Why did I think he liked me as much as I liked him? Well, number 1, he told me so and like the silly thing I can be, I believed him. number 2, The pooty was MIND BLOWING and lastly number 3, one of the Oddities I spoke of earlier in this post did let me know, (Actually screamed at me) THIS IS THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was not a chauvinist, but still slightly an Asshat. (he hid the asshattery very well and when it showed itself it was to a very bare minimum...he is a man after-all) the long and short of it boils down to, He is a good good man with alot of love in his heart but has commitment issues. The ending came last July when he told me he had no real feelings for me and said he looked at me as more of a sister than anything but he didn't want to see me again (I think his exact words were...I am removing myself from your path and that I will never see him again...Insert broken heart here)

Strike #3

How does this all tie together?

Well, because of the knee surgery and the extra squishyness I have accumulated, this has been sending me to the park since mid march to walk and walk and walk. The knee needs to get stronger and the Rear End needs to get smaller. So how does me being in the park walking my squishy off all tie into the Man issue?

Back in May, I was doing my daily rounds of the park enjoying the sunshine and breezy air when guess who drives right past me? You guessed it... that guy .....Hmmmmm, I thought to myself. Interesting. I kept walking. As I rounded the corner I saw him with a bunch of his friends doing whatever it was they were doing in the park that evening. I kept walking but thought the whole damn thing was very interesting.

Over the last few weeks I have seen him there off and on with his friends and I know for a fact that he has seen me.....Example of how I know he has seen me.....about 2 weeks ago when he almost ran me over.

Now, Last but not least...#3. Oddities

Even though I still have feelings for good old Wally, And even though I had worked through the heart break and general Ickyness he had caused and have been able to move on, I had decided it would be best for me to start walking in another park so as not to exacerbate the situation. So I made a decision that last night I would not go to the usual place that I would try somewhere new. And As I have said in other posts.....Yup....Big Witch over here....Have this odd thing about me where my guides will out and out talk to me and tell me the things I need to be doing. So as I am sitting putting on my tennis shoes to get ready to go to the new park, I get a very and I mean VERY strong message to go to the old park.

But but but....Nuuuuuuuuuuu....I dun wanna
Message comes through to me again......Yeeessssssssssssssssssss go to the old park...do et, Do Et, DO ET NOW!!! (That and the Two of Cups fell out of my Tarot deck and lay at my feet staring up at me mockingly...Yeah yeah yeah)

So like the good kid that I am......Where do I go...Yup the old park, Just like I was told to do. I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked. He was there and yes he looked good, But here's the deal, I am tired of this type of effort on my part when the man has clearly told me he is not interested. When it all boils down to it, I am not walking in that park to see him...If he wants to see me, he knows where to find me, and maybe....and thats a BIG maybe...I will talk back to him, (Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings for him and I would MAYBE be open to speaking with him and lets face it, He did look Yummy and I know whats truly deep down in his heart) but for now, I am walking in that park for me. I am walking there to enjoy this place that I love, to get myself into shape, help my knee heal and to learn to have a joy of my body again. I love the man, I always will, but after all these strikes, being able to trust a man again is up for debate.

In the mean time, I do listen to my guides, I do follow their instructions because they have never and I mean NEVER let me down and everything has worked out for the absolute best because of them, so believe me when I say, I go forward with their words in my ears with perfect love and perfect trust. I don't know why when or how this is all going to work out and end, All I can do is live in the moment. Feel the breeze on my cheeks, the sun on my shoulders and the joy in my heart for my wonderful wonderful life.

I Live Laugh and Love, and in the end thats how it is suppose to be

Brightest Blessings to one and all

It's So Feng Shui

Last Thursday I went to a Feng Shui Dream Board class at the Golden Braid Bookstore taught by my friend Jade. What this class did was give us all an insight to the importance of Feng Shui and how we can manifest out dreams through this Chinese practice of placement and energy flow.

According to the website http://www.whatisfengshui.net/ "Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese practice. It is the art of placing and arranging matter and space in the correct manner such that harmony with the environment is achieved. This harmony can refer to the harmony in the home, in relationships, in wealth and many other aspects in our lives. The practice has been around for several thousands of years and is still practiced in China and many parts of the world up to this day."

What I have found through alot of study is Feng Shui is a very important practice that has proven results. What else I have found out is.....Feng Shui is a pain in the ass.

Do you know how hard it is to Feng Shui a small apartment? Its damn near impossible. Its been driving me nuts for the last two days. There are only so many positions you can put a couch in your apartments living room and apparently none of the places I can put my couch is Feng Shui friendly.

According to this same website I cited above you can also improve your romantic life through Feng Shui...

"Feng Shui Tip
Want to improve your romance? First, clean up your home and free it from clutter. This is because a messy or cluttered room does not promote proper flow of chi. Instead it will leave it stagnant and stale."

Okay...I can agree with that (looks in her scary closet and shudders at the thought of cleaning it out.....Not to mention the recliner full of dirty laundry that has been sitting there over a week)

Feng Shui Tip
"Bedroom, for most of us, is for rest and relaxation only. Hence, do not bring work into the bedroom as the stress of work will permeate the feeling of harmony and make your love life stressful. It is also advisable not to work out in the bedroom as well since the strain and exertion of your exercise could remain and affect your love life. That is Feng Shui Bedroom for you."

But...But...But....I live in a one bedroom apartment and the only place I have room to put my computer is in my bedroom...and since most of my work consists of being on the computer....Dose that mean I'm fucked in the romance department?

Another article I read also stated you shouldn't have any mirrors in your bedroom as others can remove the good flow of Chi through them.....What...The...Hell?...My bedroom is nothing but mirrors. I have a huge mirror over my sink...yes my bathroom sink is in my bedroom..don't ask, my place is tiny....my walk in closet with sliding doors is nothing but mirror and is right in front of my bed...which apparently is also a big no no. So according to Feng Shui...I will never get laid again. That makes me a sad panda.

And according to another article it is optimal to have your bathroom located in the Northwest section of your home.....You can Feng Shui your bathroom?...Well, I guess optimal flow of Chi can help you in there...Get it...Flow...yeah...I'm that good...lol....Funny enough....that is the only thing in my tiny little apartment that is Feng Shui friendly. My bathroom sits directly in the Northwest quadrant of my home. Woohoo me....Bring on the steak...its flowing through baby!

Now apparently if you cannot Feng Shui your furniture and possessions in a optimal flow pattern (Looks at her cramped little space and sighs) you can place things in your home called Feng Shui Cures. A Feng Shui Cure consists of placing an object in a certain spot in your home facing a certain direction to nullify the bad chi and/or to help the flow of good chi into your home.

A cure can be something like a small statue of a Dragon or a Phoenix placed just right. You can get a money tree and place it by your door to help the flow of money come into the home. But be careful, if that part of your home is not in accordance to the Chinese Bagua then you can be doing it all for nothing.

What is A Bagua you ask? Another very important step in the process of Feng Shuing your home. (Is Feng Shuing even a word? I don't care, I'm using it.) It is an 8 sided map or compass to where things in your home should be placed. North South East West Northeast Southeast Northwest and Southwest. In general, The Bagua is another tool that is a pain in the ass. Important....but a huge pain none the less.

Example....The Southwest of your bedroom should be Feng Shui devoted to love and romance.

Well, in the Southwest of my room I have a bathroom medicine cabinet and a bathroom sink. (told you, tiny apartment) And to top it all off...Mirrors EVERYWHERE.......AAACCCKKK. No love for Amy.

How in the hell do you Feng Shui a medicine cabinet and a bathroom sink? All I could do is buy a few cures. I have my Dream Board that is dedicated to love and romance sitting on top of the medicine cabinet...(Its very pretty there and looks down on my as I sleep, all pink and sparkly full of pictures of happy couples holding hands and kissing) and underneath the cabinet I have put two peaking ducks...a cure for the Feng Shui of love.)

Now...Anyone who knows me knows that I am a witch and a Celtic Witch at that. I practice a very old ancient Celtic Irish path of the craft, I work with old Celtic Deities and I love every bit of what I do. Feng Shui however is something very new to me and its confusing the ever living fuck out of me.

Please readers, Don't think I am here bashing the ancient art of Feng Shui, I'm not. It's something I have seen in practice and I have seen it work. It's a practice that has been around for centuries with very proven results. Results I want to be a part of. I want more money flowing into my life, I want love to walk right through my door, sweep me off my feet and take me straight to my bedroom (Waggles Eyebrows suggestively)But holy fuck am I limited in what I can and can't do in my tiny space.

So in conclusion, I keep reading on this ancient art and I keep finding new horrors in my home that are Feng Shui killers and I do my best to cure them. I will keep you updated on the struggle and hopefully I will have some good results soon.

Happy Feng Shuing.

The White Blank Page

It's Late, I cant sleep....Again....and I know I need to blog something.
But what? The white blank page on my computer screen mocks me....Ohhhhhh.....Now I know.
The White Blank Page.




"White Blank Page"
"Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, your heart?
As well as your body, and can you lie next to her and confess your love, your love?
As well as your folly and can you kneel before the king and say ‘I’m clean’, ‘I’m Clean’?

But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?

Her white blank page & a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, affections

But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart.
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart

Lead my to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead my to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life"
~Mumford and Sons~

This song has been haunting me since the moment I heard it. I can see him standing there, dressed as the knight he once was in life times past...The courts herald asking him...Can you kneel before this King and say 'I'm Clean'?
Why is it that you so much desire my attention but when I gave it to you you denied my affections? Do you even realize how close the brink you actually sent me?
I still think of you and miss you from time to time. I do hope you are well and that you are healing. As for me, I live, I Laugh and I Love and that is just how it is suppose to be.