Love Me Like Johnny Loved June

You are my best friend. 

I have never felt a connection to another person like I have with you. 

You're the one I've chosen. I'm the one you've chosen. 

We chose each other centuries upon centuries ago and we keep choosing each other over and over again. 

Yes, you fight against it at times. That's the soldier inside of you saying, It's my way and not God's way. 

I asked a mystic once why falling in love with you has been so hard. He smiled his mystical smile and stated "Because this is right!"

Being in love with you is one of the hardest things that I've ever been through. I continue and I stay patient "Because this is right!"

As I concentrate on why this is right and think about why you treat me the way you do sometimes (All the way from the good, the bad and to the indifferent), I think back to the times we've shared in the recent past and one night keeps coming back to me.

About 3 months ago we were having dinner together at The Oasis Cafe and having a nice talk. You were going through a really hard time in your life and was in need of a friend, some clarity and insight. As we sat and ate our dinner, you sighed, smiled and said that this was nice and how much you missed doing things like this with me.

As we spoke I was shocked to learn of some of the things that you were going through. I asked you why you never called me, that I was trying to give you an avenue of release, of a person to talk to, to let things out safely so you can feel better. Being the stubborn person you are you said that you didn't want to be a whiner. I told you that there were many times that I needed to call you, that I needed my friend. There were times I was feeling lonely or sad and just wanted to talk. There were times I wanted to share some exciting news or tell you about the weird thing that happened that day. There were times I just wanted to hear your voice and I told you that I felt like at times that I couldn't call you and that I never wanted you to feel that way. You looked shocked and a little sad about this. You took my hand and told me that I should never feel like I could never call to talk to you. I should never feel that I didn't have a friend in you.

During that same dinner you told me that you wanted to be the friend you would want to have. You offered me money. You said you wanted to help me. I told you I was grateful but I would rather you spend your time with me than your money on me. You wrapped your fingers through  my mine, smiled and said you understood.

One of the last things you said to me that night was, "Amy, don't wait for me. I know you are and you really shouldn't. I want you to promise me that you wont wait for me." All I could do was smile. I took your hand and told you that I can't promise you that. You looked at me with your most serious look and told me again. "Amy, promise you won't wait for me." I returned your serious look and told you again that I will not promise you that. You did something strange and beautiful and funny that reassured me that you got the answer you were looking for. You smiled, laughed, held my hand tighter and called me a nerd.

Over the last few months you've fallen back into a very old cycle.

You are compartmentalizing your life again. I know where this comes from. Your time in the military taught you to keep all the different parts of your life from interconnecting to each other. It's to keep you and those you love safe. From the outside looking in it makes you seem dishonest and secretive. I know you better than most. Most of the time I know you better than you know yourself. It's not that you are being dishonest its just that there are times you don't want to explain anything to anyone.

You said once that our thing was the talk. We talked about everything. We were open and honest about everything we said. Even if it was something either of us didn't want to hear at least we were being honest. Right now I'm tired. I feel like I can't call you just to talk. Its hard to share and to be open and honest when you wont pick up the phone, when you wont give me the full story, when you hide from me.  

When you get in this cycle you're in you end up missing the forest for the trees. You miss the fact that out of everyone I am the only woman who has not gone running for the hills when you get this way. You miss the fact that I have been the one in the background with all the healing, all the love and all the magick.  

One day at the end of June you called me out of the blue and said you knew something was wrong and that you were worried about me. I told you all about my troubles and you came right over. That day we spent an amazing afternoon together. That day you listened to your intuition and listened to your heart. That day you followed the right path. That day was a day we connected again on a higher level. That day you showed me just how comfortable you were around me and told me to let go of my insecurities and to feel comfortable around you as well. That day you feel asleep holding me close and holding my hand and wouldn't let go. That day you let go of your ego and touched your empathy towards a woman you cared about. That day you were fully yourself as you were meant to be.

Somewhere along the way you got stuck in your head and forgot all about your heart. Maybe you feel like you have nothing to offer. Maybe you feel that you will suffer a loss of freedom. Maybe you think I am going to ask to much of you. Maybe you have put an ex's face over mine and maybe because of that you get lost in the past and remember the hurt.

All I have ever asked for is honesty, openness and to get back the respect, importance and love that I have given you.

Please pull yourself out of your head and listen to your heart for a moment.

From the moment I met you I heard your song. I am the only one who can hear that song and it is beautiful. I never cared about money or things or what possessions you may have to offer. 

All I ever cared about is the song you sing that only I can hear.

Tá mé mise agus go bhfuil tú mianach.
Mbaineann muid le gach ceann eile.
Cruthaithe againn an grá i saol eile agus is é ár post chun é a fheiceáil tríd an saol.
Is é an t-am anseo, is é an t-am ceart agus is é an t-am anois.
Is breá liom tú le mo chroí go hiomlán.

"Sirens"
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens.
Hear the sirens,
Hear the circus so profound.
I hear the sirens
More and more in this here town
Let me catch my breath to breathe
And reach across the bed
Just to know we're safe
I am a grateful man
The slightest bit of light
And I can see you clear
Oh, have to take your hand
And feel your breath for fear this someday will be over
I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever
I didn't care before you were here.
I danced in laughter with the everafter
But all things change
Let this remain
Hear the sirens
Covering distance in the night.
The sound echoing closer.
Will they come for me next time?
For every choice, mistake I've made, it's not my plan
To send you in the arms of another man
And if you choose to stay I'll wait, I'll understand
Oh, it's a fragile thing
This life we lead
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders
Want you to know that should I go
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away.
It's a fragile thing, this life we lead.
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulder
Want you to know that should I go,
I always loved you, held you high above, true.
I study your face, and the fear goes away

Questions

Have I been a good friend to you? 

Have I always treated you with kindness, love, understanding and respect?

Have I always shown you how much you mean to me and just how much I care about you?

Have I always followed through with my promises?

Have I always done the things I said I would do for you?

Have I always been honest and truthful with you?
Have I always accepted you just the way you are? Flaws, Faults and all?

Have I always done everything I could to make you feel wanted, loved and cared for?

If I have failed in any of these things I am sorry. 

With my whole heart I am sorry.

You are my best friend and I would do anything for you just so I knew you were happy. 

All I have ever wanted was to be respected in the same way I respect you.

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with the golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and half-light, I would spread the cloths under your feet But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams beneath your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams..."

 William Butler Yeats

Ní dhéanfaidh aon ní ach Grá

 

Tá cónaí orm taobh istigh do barróg.
Ciallaíonn Do glacadh gach rud
Is breá liom fós tú agus riamh stop
Tá mé ró-scanraithe chun tú a insint do aghaidh mar sin mé in iúl duit anseo.
Is breá liom tú. 

Ná stop a bhfuil mo lámh
Do teas agus do mothú a dhéanamh, dar liom compordach agus grá
Mo Gods daor conas grá agam duit

Riamh Tá sé seo mothú stop
Ba mhaith liom é a fás
Ba mhaith liom tú
Gods a thabhairt dom neart grá agam duit 

All I've Ever Wanted

Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi
Rwyf bob amser yn cael a bob amser yn
Os gwelwch yn dda deffro i fyny ac yn fy ngweld fel yr wyf yn wirioneddol am i chi
Rwyf wrth fy modd i chi

You looked the same. Yet it was better than last time.
It was hard to explain but you looked so good to me.

I'd been given the chance to revisit an old hurt.
I fought against it but yielded in the end and felt it all again.
Oh my how I have grown but can still embrace you just as you are.

Honestly this scares the hell out of me.
This fear has me chilled down to the bone.
Can you blame me?
I sit and listen quietly to all you have you say.
Yet in my head all I can hear is....*It's me, It's me, Oh my God I'm right in front of you, It's me!!!!!*

This is the old story and I don't want that any longer.
We have a chance for a new story. 
This time I want the story to be about communication, reciprocation and bonding.

I've been told *Patience, Patience*
[Sigh] The story of my life.

I'm tired of the doubt, the hurt and confusion.
All I've ever wanted was for you to hold my hand and never let go.
All I've ever wanted is just you.

Prayers to St. Expedite

 I have always had an interest in the unusual. I'm always digging for the deeper meanings to life and have a firm grasp on taking my own spirituality into my own hands

The last few months I have learned a great deal about a seldom heard of Saint named St. Expedite. He is the patron Saint of emergencies. He is the "Why put off to tomorrow what you can do today" kind of Saint. He is wonderful at bringing around financial relief in a  hurry. He only asks for a nice glass of spring water, some red flowers (Roses preferably) and a nice slice of pound cake. (Totally serious about that one. Sara Lee if you can get it!) 

A BIT OF HISTORY 

It is said that Expedite or "Expeditus" was a Roman Centurion who lived in the 4th century AD. It is believed he was beheaded around 303 AD

The most popular legend surrounding the saint says that the day when he decided to become a Christian,the Devil took the form of a crow (a snake in some versions of the legend) and told him to defer his conversion until the next day, but Expeditus stamped on the bird and killed it, declaring, "I'll be a Christian today!"

WHAT HE DOES AND HOW HE HELPS

St. Expedite is prayed to in urgent causes and for speedy solutions.

He can also be prayed to or "Invoked" to help overcome obstacles that are in the way of your financial planning and success.

I have invoked him to help bring in money that it urgently and unexpectedly needed.

You can ask St. Expedite for a divine favor in finding work, money to pay your rent, medical bills and a ton of other pressing needs.

PRAYERS AND INVOCATIONS

FINANCIAL EMERGENCIES

To petition Saint Expedite for financial emergencies is to take a white and a green candle, carve your name on them lengthwise. Light the candles (and continue lighting the candles and praying to him until you receive his answer.) Have faith and do not doubt his power or willingness to help you.

Write on a piece of paper EXACTLY what you need and why you need it

Pray to Saint Expedite

I call forth the Power and the presence of St. Expedite in my time of financial trouble. I offer my body, heart, mind and soul upon your altar of light. I have faith and trust and complete confidence that you will be my strength in this time of need. Quickly come to my assistance.
Bring to me ____________ (Clearly express what you want, and ask him to find a way to get it to you.)
My financial need is urgent. Be my Light and Guide in this situation so that I may live with peace, love, prosperity and abundance and in the Praise of God.
Amen.
(Now promise to give Saint Expedite a specific offering If your desire is granted.)


FOR QUICK HELP

Light a Red and a yellow candle and recite the prayer every night until you get your wish

Saint Expedite, you lay in rest.
I come to you and ask that this wish be granted.

____________ (Clearly express what you want, and ask him to
find a way to get it to you.)

Expedite now what I ask of you.
Expedite now what I want of you, this very second.
Don't waste another day.
Grant me what I ask for.
I know your power, I know you because of your work.
I know you can help me.
Do this for me and I will spread your name with love and honor
so that it will be invoked again and again.
Expedite this wish with speed, love, honor, and goodness.
Glory to you, Saint Expedite!

As you recite this prayer, light a candle to Saint Expedite next to a glass of water for the Saint. Recite daily until the request is granted, then be sure to give Saint Expedite a gift. Also you can place an ad in the newspaper thanking Saint Expedite, Blog about it But be sure to spread his name and what he has done for you so that his name and glory will spread and grow.

These are just a few examples of how to Invoke or pray to this wonderful Saint

He has helped me and I know he can help you

Brightest Blessings and Much Love

Of Old Friends

Yes, Yes they are.

Mé riamh stop grámhara tú 

Tá tú mar sin go domhain in mo chroí a dhéanann 

sé iomlán dom tá tú ingrained isteach 

i mo a bheith an-. Tá tú mar chuid de m'anam. 

I had thought this door was closed.
I mourned this but moved past it.
I constantly lied to myself and said I didn't miss it.
 But I did.
When the door was reopened I was glad.
I walked right through Scared to death.
I have had my fingers slammed in this door far to many times.
I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and walked right through.
I keep risking it because
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.

I was told I had to do the work.
The message came very persistently.
Gladly I sat in the Darkness and Candle Light
Feeling you. Hearing You. Knowing you again.
I had lied to myself.
I did miss this work.
I did it gladly with an open heart,
I keep working because
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.

We have a contract to fulfill.
It is my greatest work to fulfill this promise.
With an open heart and now open eyes,
I walk through this door with much gratitude.
Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends and I welcome this.

 )O(
With much love!

I Hate You Amy

Yup, You heard that correctly.

I hate you Amy!!!!!

Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't hate myself. Not in the slightest. In fact I rather like myself these days. I'm not being big headed or conceded, I just really like the direction my life has taken me in and I'm enjoying the ride very much. Even the bumpy parts. Self Actualization and Contentment kinda rock!

What I am talking about is an event that happened to me last September. I know that was such a long time ago and I have actually been sitting on this little nugget until the right time.  I was told by my Friend, Guide and Patron, (The Great Grecian Goddess Hekate no less!!!!, Don't hate cause I run with a pretty hip crowd) that the time to address this situation is now.

The first part of September I was sitting at work when I checked my personal Email. (I work for such a cool company that they let me do that!!!!) when I noticed I received an email. This email wasn't titled but it came from a sender named "Hate You". I checked the email address and it came from an address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com

Wow. That's alot of hate. I was floored, baffled  and highly confused. The email went something like this:

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From: hate you
To: cowchick803@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 11:16 AM
Subject:

There has been unfairness done to me 
I summon the elements 
I Invoke them 
I conjure them to do my bidding 
The four watchtowers shall lay their eyes and minds 
There shall be fear, guilt, and bad blood 
There shall be submission and no pity 
I point the 3 fold law against thee 
Against thee it shall be pointed 
 3 fold, a hundred fold is the cost for 
My anger and pain 
Thee shall be blinded 
By the fear 
Blinded by my pain 
Blinded by me 
Blinded by me 
CURSED BY ME

I've invoked Carmen, God of cursing prepare yourself

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Um Wow. I was being cursed.........Through Email. Hahahahahahahaha

I literally had no words

Until now

About a month ago I tried to respond back to the email address listed above but surprisingly enough *Cough, yeah right, Cough* the email is no longer active and my response was returned. 

Well, This is my forum and I have a pretty damned good idea who sent this to me and I know this individual follows my every move (Yeah they are that kinda people) So here is my response to you Ihateyouamy

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I know this was sent to me a long time ago. The time is now right to address this situation.

I just want to point out how much hateful energy it took to create an email address of ihateyouamy@hotmail.com. Even as a joke this was just mean and cruel. Not to me, but to yourself. I can never imagine using so much precious personal energy in the pursuit of hate. There are too many wonderful things in life to enjoy and to spend that all wonderful precious energy on other than hate.

If you are going to mess around in Witchcraft you need to know a little bit about the Law of Attraction. The feelings and energy we put out to the universe we receive back 3 fold. If you are putting so much hateful energy into anything you do you can expect to get that hateful energy back 3 times stronger. If you ever wonder why there are times your life seems like it’s gone down the toilet, Don't look to outside sources. Look within yourself. Look to your actions and your thoughts and feelings. Look at how you have treated other people that have come across your path. 
Look to yourself. 

This is the law of Karma.

I want you to know, I don't hate you. I don't even really know who you are (although I have a very very good idea.) In fact I bless you. I bless you with knowledge and love and safety and security and everything you deserve in this life. I bless you with the love and perfect energy of the Archangel Michael. I hope he can guide you and protect you in the way you need. I pray to the Goddess Brighd on your behalf that you may find the light and fire within to heal and grow and be the person you were always meant to be. But if this happens again please know I will protect myself in the best way I know how. I will protect myself through the dark Goddess Hekate.

Please know that this spell never affected me in any way but I can tell it affected you. I hope this was a good lesson in Karma and not to be messing around in things that you know nothing about

I wish you well and offer to you the brightest blessings

Amy

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That was my original email to this person. I would like to add a few last things. I sent this off about a month ago and found out a few hours after that it came back to me as undeliverable.  I have since been able to find out a bit more (Well, more than just a bit) about the person who sent this hate. I am 99.9999999% sure of the person who sent it. 

I will not name any names here just for feelings sake. But, I will tell you this. All of your issues and problems that you have been going through over the last little while I know that you have pinned them on me. You did this without thinking or without proof. You did this out of blind jealousy. I did not create your problems. You did. The universe hears our words and takes our feelings and will give them all right back to us. 

Example: The man who sits and worries and states over and over again, "I hope I don't get cancer I hope I don't get cancer." Do you know what The Universe just heard?.....GET CANCER. So that is what The Universe gives him

Example #2: The man who sits and ponders and states, "I am so grateful for my health and my good fortune and all the good things I have in my life." The Universe has just heard.....GRATEFUL FOR HEALTH WEALTH FORTUNE AND GOOD THINGS. That is exactly what The Universe gives him. 

The more that we are thankful for the good things in our lives the more The Universe will give those things to back to us.  The more we fill our lives with hate, anger and jealousy we find that there is no room left for the good things that we want and need in our lives. We find that we have filled our minds and our hearts with garbage because that is the energy we have put out to The Universe and that the the energy The Universe has given back in return. The only Magick I have ever preformed concerning you was too protect myself from your hateful bile and poisonous energy. All I wanted was to be left peacefully alone but you couldn't let that happen. I did not give you this garbage, this garbage is all of your own making. Maybe it's time for you to start taking out the trash. You have alot of house cleaning to do. Better get started before it's too late and you loose more than you already have lost. 

I once again wish for you peace, joy, love and happiness. I hope you can turn things around before it is too late. Learn from your mistakes and move onward and upwards.

I wish for you nothing but the brightest blessings.

Confessions of a Crazy White Woman

I CONFESS....I am ready for that perfect guy to finally come into my life. My timing where love is concerned has been WAAAYYYYY off for about 4 years now and I'm completely done with that.

I have found that I can live very well and comfortably on my own with no partner around. The issue is....I want a partner around. Not to save me from a sad lonely life and not to help me financially, I just want companionship. I have so much good stuff going on in my life right now and I want to share that with someone special

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I CONFESS....that I miss holding hands

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I Confess....that I miss my noisy little room mate Mr. Nibbles. He passed away last Tuesday and I genuinely miss that noisy little guy. I miss being woken up at 4 in the morning to listen to him wrestle with his cookie or run on his wheel or try to climb his water bottle in a failed attempt for freedom. He was about 2 years old, blind as a bat and his poor little heart just gave out on him. Rest Easy you Russian bastard, I will miss you!

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I Confess....that I'm very tired off all the Bullshit back and forth on Facebook between my Pagan and Christian friends. There are certain Heathen's out there who want to point the finger at Christians for the troubles Pagans have been through throughout the centuries and there are certain Christians out there threatening to beat some Christianity into my heathen friends.



Okay folks, Let me straighten this out for you. Yes, I am Pagan, A full out Heathen and I love every second of it! And Yes, Jesus is my Friend!!!

Hold on, Hold on, I didn't say Savior, I said Friend.

My belief is that Jesus didn't die for my sins, My sins are my sins alone and its up to me to fix the mistakes I've made. However, Jesus gave me the tools to do just that. He taught me to live a life filled with love, joy, giving, healing and hope. To me Jesus was the most gifted Shaman the world has ever seen. I truly feel that beating Christianity into a bunch of Pagans is NOT and I repeat NOT what Jesus had in mind. What ever happened to Love one another. So to all my Christian friends I am going to give you a little bit of Buddhist advice.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost" ~The Dalai Lama~



To all my Heathen brothers and sisters, I have a BIG word of Advice...Chill the fuck out.

I know there are some of you out there that still feel the burning times. You still feel the assimilation we were forced to go through. You still feel the robbery of land, life and religion that the early Christians put us through.

I feel it too.

But the thing about it is....It happened CENTURIES ago. Yes, Christians took our calendar and holidays and have made them their own and had forced us to assimilate to their will. They burned us as Witches because they were scared of our power.

This however is today. Be proud of your choice of path you have taken and don't let the past get in the way. Learn from it and keep it close to your heart, but don't let it mire you in such hate that you miss the forest for the trees. We are Pagan, We are Proud, Live as an example of love, healing and forgiveness with a heart full of love and life!!!! Its time to let it go and just be who we were made to be. HEATHEN



And just remember.....As Heathens, We get to see the Fae and Christians don't!!! LOL. So at the least we have that one on them!!!!

I send you lots of love and brightest blessings

Blessed Be my friends

And It Was All Yellow........

I sat next to you as we drove down the small countryside lane and through the chilly autumn sunshine.

You were happy. Happier than I had seen you in such a long time.

As time passed and we rambled down the deserted road the smile on your face grew.

I was happy. It was bliss to just sit next to you and enjoy the comfortable silence.

The car began to slow and drift to the side of the road. I was pulled away from my thoughts and comfort and happiness to see you engulfed in pure joy.

You turned off the car and got out and leaned against the drivers side door. I got out as well and stood next to you. All you could do is stand and stare at the trees turning colors all around us. "Amy, It's so yellow, I haven't seen this color since I was little. This is what God looks like"

Something inside you at that moment finally broke through and reached the surface and your sight...your inner sight...began to clear and show you the beauty of the world around you like you haven't seen in a long time.

You put your arms around me and hugged me close and kissed me on the cheek. You didn't let go for a very very long time. I didn't mind in the least. I felt love bursting at your heart and it was joy!

You let me go and looked at me. Smiling like I had never seen you smile before you told me how you loved the look of my eyes in the autumn sunset and asked me to dive the rest of the way, you wanted to enjoy your new found sight.

I took the wheel and you climbed in the passenger seat. Enraptured at the new color you found in your life, you put your arm around me and we drove onwards, through the country lane, surround by the trees...and it was all yellow.

I'm Fabulous

Hello Blogger Land.

So sorry I haven't been around much to fill you up with my Head Fluff this last month or so but things do tend to get a bit busy from time to time. You know how it goes.

Lately I have been feeling alot of weird nasty energy around me and this is unusual for me. I am pretty good at keeping this kind of Junior High Bullshit at bay and out of my bubble. You know the type....A lot of whispering and back talking and nit picking and small pointy jabbing when they think I am not looking or listening. What they don't realize is....I'm always looking and I'm always listening.

At first it hurt. Yes I do have tender feelings, I am a Leo after all, and as I sat here contemplating the why's and wherefore's of the situation a phrase my mother use to say to me came floating into my head...."You got a case of the LBBB'S" (Little Bitty Bitey Bastard's or in my case Bitches!)

Why yes mother, I am covered in LBBB's. Everywhere I turn these last few days I am running into Bitches biting and poking at me behind my back. For the longest time I couldn't understand Why? I am friendly, I am open and honest and very Loyal....then it hit me.....

That Green Eyed Monster thingy...you know....It's called Jealousy.
LBBB's are jealous just for the simple fact that I am utterly and truly FABULOUS!!!!!! Big head.....Not so much, I question myself everyday about who I am and what I am doing with my life. Always questioning that I am making the right decisions for me and my children. I am always wondering what others think of me and how they react to me. Questions Questions Questions.

I am not so fabulous that I am immune to issues in my life. I have had my share of troubles come up in my life and yes, Some of these troubles are worse than others and alot harder to deal with than most people can handle.

However, It's how I deal with all these Questions and Doubts, It is how I deal with my issues and troubles that makes me truly fabulous.

I stay true to ME!!!!! I love who I am, I love what I do and how I do it. I love my knowledge, My quirkiness, my unending energy and my unyielding power to love with my entire being. I bow down to no one and I wont change my attitude or way of self being to suit someon's ideas of who I should be. I am here on this Earth to make the most out of this life I have. I am here for ME!!!!!!

Yes I question myself everyday, But I am also fortunate enough to get answers to my questions, and the answers I get tell me I am on the right path doing the right thing and to let no one AND I mean NO ONE get in my way on my path to true happiness.

I look at the troubles and issues that have been laid at my feet and yes at times they can be tiring and spirit breaking, yet, I cannot and will not let them break me. I look at these challenges as just that...Challenges. Learning Opportunity, A chance to grow and become better than I had been a minute before, a day before, a week before a year before, a lifetime before.

It is this attitude that has helped me to succeed at anything I put my mind to and its that success that make these LBBB's jealous and bitey stabby poky pains in my ass. But its OK, Its just another challenge to help make me a better person with more love in my heart and more patience to deal with these tiny beings who cannot get past there own self doubts and there own questions and challenges. This is helping me to understand why Individuals like this cannot look at the truth of there own lives and do what they need to do to make themselves the best individuals they can be. In a way, I feel sorry for these people who participate in these types of Junior High Antics. There is no chance for them to learn and grow and that is heart breaking.

An old saying comes to mind...."When you assume you make an Ass out of you and me"

And lastly, A snippitt I read on Facebook sums this whole Blog post up nicely.

"Do not worry about people talking "behind your back", it just means that you are one step ahead of them and they are exactly in the right position to bend over and kiss your ass!"

So get out of my way Bitches, I'm Fabulous!!!!!!

My Weekend And How The Celtic Cross Explains It All

I had the best weekend.

It was full of Harry Potter, A trip to Roy and Chock full of Sleeping In and reading. Not to mention a certian amout of HIGH Dragon Energy comming from a certian someone.

The Energy I was reciving was amazing. I hadnt felt that kind of Energy from this particular individuale in alog time.

I pulled my cards and I did a reading concerning this energy bieng directed at me. Me and my curiosity. LOL

I did a celtic Cross spread. This is what it looks like.





1. The Basis:
The basis of the situation. The general tone of the reading and the problem for the querent.



The Hierophant
Tradition
What has worked before works equally well now. History holds many answers. Some rules simply cannot be broken. An adherence to tradition, old rules, the cycles of nature and the most fundamental truths.

2. Obstacles:
The challenges or obstacles that lie in the querent's path. This "crossover card" is always read in the upright position.



The Star
Hope
Faith brings unexpected assistance. Dreams should never be put aside and must always remain part of one's personal life-equation. Hope springs eternal as does the light of the star. Look far into the distance.

3. Subconscious:
How the querent truly feels about the matter. These are hidden thoughts, fears or emotions which may come into play now or at a later time.



Four of Cups
Mixed Emotions
A confusion of emotions and thoughts. That which was once clear has become sullied with too many outside forces. Something has gone off course. Remember what you want. Avoid temptation.

4. The Past:
The events in the recent past that influence or effect the querent's question. Possibly a person, an event or a previous psychological or spiritual state.



Nine of Pentcals
[ inverted meaning ]
A bad risk. What was ventured has now been lost. A waste of time or money. A message regarding damage and loss.

5. The Conscious:
The querent's surface feelings, or conscious thoughts on the subject. Compare with Position #3.



The World
[ inverted meaning ]
A false sense of completion. To "rest on one's laurels". Becoming lazy after a minor accomplishment. The road goes on, do not rest here.

6. The Future:
An event, state of mind, person or spiritual state that will occur in the future.



Four of Wands
Perfection
Visual beauty and perfect grace. Unions of perfect harmony and beautiful synergy. The pursuit of flawlessness. A good relationship.

7. The Querent:
This position gives insight into the current attitude of the querent and how they fit into the situation.



Eight of Pentacles
[ inverted meaning ]
Sloppiness. A task that has been completed without care. A failure to learn from the mistakes of the past. An oversight.

8. The Environment:
This position relates to the relative surroundings of the querent in this matter. Consider relationships including friends, family or professional associates.



Ten of Wands
[ inverted meaning ]
Difficult demands are met. Inhibitions are overcome. A time for personal liberation is at hand.

9. Hopes and Fears:
This position provides insight into the querent's outlook about resolutions and outcomes of the situation -- or who the querent hopes (or fears) will be involved.



Seven of Pentcals
[ inverted meaning ]
Diligence. An attention to detail at every level. A labour of love. A task which bears the mark of attention and perfectionism

10. Final Outcome:
This position gives a glimpse into the final outcome of the situation and how it will play out over time.



Temperance
Moderation
Moderation in all forms including spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional. Walk the middle path. Balance and even-handedness.

What this all boils down to is, I was throught about alot over the weekend by this certian individual and the things that I have wanted and wished for could come to pass if I have paitents.


Good luck to you all and remeber, Brightest blessings.

Hey Amy, Are you a Werewolf?

Have you ever had one of those days? Not a bad day.......exactly, but not a great day either......Just a wierd day.

One of those kind of days where work is abnormally busy. One of those days that the people you are dealing with on the phones are a little...Ummm....Lets be nice and not say...."Coughs"......Retarded maybe? How about we will call it Moon Struck! Yeah Moon Struck is a good word for it. One of those days that leave you feeling dizzy and not knowing if you are comming or going.

I am having one of these types of days. The phones are ringing off the hook with the strangest and mostly.....STUPIDEST things you could imagine. (I swear to the God's someone has had to have dumped a HUGE supply of Valume and/or Cocaine in the Main Water supply for America because almost everyone around the country I have talked to is ether High or just doesnt give a fuck) Little bits of Drama keep popping up in my perosnal life that I thought I had squashed along time ago and I am now Having to squash again and all my guy freinds around me feel the need to tell me just how horney they really truly are at this very moment....Like I can or WILL do anything about that...AAACCCKKK

My friend Tonya was mentioning to me this morning that she was feeling how weird today is as well. She said something about thinking it may be a full moon or something.

*Smacks hand to forehead and does a Homer Simpson* DOH

Tonight is Full Moon. All the wierdo's come out on days and nights like this.

As Tonya and I were sitting here talking of full moons another Coworker asked me.....Amy, Are you a Werewolf? Replying in my smart assed way I said "No, Im a vampire, and not one of those Faggy Sparkly Twilight Vampires" The only thing he could say to that is..."Thats so last year."

Happy Full Moon All! Stay indoors or all those naughty little Werewolves are gonna come and getcha!

Fat, Men and Other Oddities.

Fat.....Yes I have it and NO, I don't want it.

Men.....No I don't have one and maybe I want one.....I think, still not quite sure yet.

Other Oddities.......We dont want to really go there, I have oddities in abundance....Okay, Maybe we will go there a little bit, Hahaha.

Believe it or not, All three of these things tie right in together and it all happened at once yesterday!

So, To begin with....Fat. Or to be more specific, my fat.

My Stomach Fat. It needs to go. It's no longer welcome here and needs to find a new home.

So here is the story of how I got the extra squishy around the middle. Last November, just a few days after Thanksgiving, my left knee blew out completely. (See icky gross picture below) Kneecap sitting on the side of my knee, screaming pain, rolling on the ground, alot of tears and I think I threw up a little. Not a good day for Amy to say the least. (Makes Sad Panda Face)



As a result of this horribleness, On December 3rd I went in for reconstructive surgery (Bolts, Bailing Wire and I think some Duct Tape) and was put in a soft cast from my hip to my ankle for 3 months...Count em, 1, 2, 3 months....AAACCCKKK. Not only was I in a cast for that long, I was not allowed to walk on this leg for 2 months and subsequently I was laid up in bed for 8 weeks. The result of this forced confinement was an extra 30 pounds around my already squishy middle and my nice plump behind was now a wide flat dimpled parking space. This makes for a very squishy yet very sad Amy.

Now...#2 on the list. MEN

I love men, I really do. I am a firm heterosexual. ( I like the wiener!!!!LOL) However, the men that have been in my life over the last three years have really made me into a basket case. I view myself as slightly emotionally retarded where relationships with men are concerned anyway. And who could blame me?

I am divorced. I was married for 15 years but it ended badly...and when I say badly, I mean BADLY!!!!!!! So there is strike #1

The few men I dated after the divorce only wanted 1 thing...Yup....Pooty! Now I'm all down for the pooty but I want to be wanted for just more than that. And not to mention, most of the guys were complete ass hat chauvinist piggies. My faith in good men in this world had been shaken at this point.

Strike #2

Well, All Chauvinist assholes aside, I did meet this one guy, I really really liked him and I thought he really really liked me.....Why did I think he liked me as much as I liked him? Well, number 1, he told me so and like the silly thing I can be, I believed him. number 2, The pooty was MIND BLOWING and lastly number 3, one of the Oddities I spoke of earlier in this post did let me know, (Actually screamed at me) THIS IS THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was not a chauvinist, but still slightly an Asshat. (he hid the asshattery very well and when it showed itself it was to a very bare minimum...he is a man after-all) the long and short of it boils down to, He is a good good man with alot of love in his heart but has commitment issues. The ending came last July when he told me he had no real feelings for me and said he looked at me as more of a sister than anything but he didn't want to see me again (I think his exact words were...I am removing myself from your path and that I will never see him again...Insert broken heart here)

Strike #3

How does this all tie together?

Well, because of the knee surgery and the extra squishyness I have accumulated, this has been sending me to the park since mid march to walk and walk and walk. The knee needs to get stronger and the Rear End needs to get smaller. So how does me being in the park walking my squishy off all tie into the Man issue?

Back in May, I was doing my daily rounds of the park enjoying the sunshine and breezy air when guess who drives right past me? You guessed it... that guy .....Hmmmmm, I thought to myself. Interesting. I kept walking. As I rounded the corner I saw him with a bunch of his friends doing whatever it was they were doing in the park that evening. I kept walking but thought the whole damn thing was very interesting.

Over the last few weeks I have seen him there off and on with his friends and I know for a fact that he has seen me.....Example of how I know he has seen me.....about 2 weeks ago when he almost ran me over.

Now, Last but not least...#3. Oddities

Even though I still have feelings for good old Wally, And even though I had worked through the heart break and general Ickyness he had caused and have been able to move on, I had decided it would be best for me to start walking in another park so as not to exacerbate the situation. So I made a decision that last night I would not go to the usual place that I would try somewhere new. And As I have said in other posts.....Yup....Big Witch over here....Have this odd thing about me where my guides will out and out talk to me and tell me the things I need to be doing. So as I am sitting putting on my tennis shoes to get ready to go to the new park, I get a very and I mean VERY strong message to go to the old park.

But but but....Nuuuuuuuuuuu....I dun wanna
Message comes through to me again......Yeeessssssssssssssssssss go to the old park...do et, Do Et, DO ET NOW!!! (That and the Two of Cups fell out of my Tarot deck and lay at my feet staring up at me mockingly...Yeah yeah yeah)

So like the good kid that I am......Where do I go...Yup the old park, Just like I was told to do. I walked and I walked and I walked and I walked. He was there and yes he looked good, But here's the deal, I am tired of this type of effort on my part when the man has clearly told me he is not interested. When it all boils down to it, I am not walking in that park to see him...If he wants to see me, he knows where to find me, and maybe....and thats a BIG maybe...I will talk back to him, (Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings for him and I would MAYBE be open to speaking with him and lets face it, He did look Yummy and I know whats truly deep down in his heart) but for now, I am walking in that park for me. I am walking there to enjoy this place that I love, to get myself into shape, help my knee heal and to learn to have a joy of my body again. I love the man, I always will, but after all these strikes, being able to trust a man again is up for debate.

In the mean time, I do listen to my guides, I do follow their instructions because they have never and I mean NEVER let me down and everything has worked out for the absolute best because of them, so believe me when I say, I go forward with their words in my ears with perfect love and perfect trust. I don't know why when or how this is all going to work out and end, All I can do is live in the moment. Feel the breeze on my cheeks, the sun on my shoulders and the joy in my heart for my wonderful wonderful life.

I Live Laugh and Love, and in the end thats how it is suppose to be

Brightest Blessings to one and all

A My Life Update

OMG, Its been way to long...and I mean WWWAAAYYY to long. (Bad blogger)
I have much to tell you all about what has been going on in my life. Happy beautiful things are going on.

As alot of my friends may have known, I started a new job the end of March. I never really talked about it alot because...I wont lie....It was the worst job in the world. You know it's the worst job when you wake up in the morning crying and trying to find any excuse not to be there even though you needed the money in the worst way. You know it's the worst job in the world when you find yourself getting up from your desk every half hour to go hide out in the bathroom...again...in tears. You know it's the worst job in the world when you sneak out 10 minutes early every day just to get the hell out of there not caring if you get in trouble or not.

Yes folks, I worked as a Phone Agent for CONVERGYS!!!!!

Never again. Never ever ever ever again in my whole life will I work for a company that treats you like cattle. A company where you are a number and not a name. A company who could care less about you as a human being and only look at you as a statistic. They paid me shit and the whole building looked and felt like a Dungeon. We were not allowed to have the blinds open on the windows for "Security" reasons..."CoughsBullshitCoughs" and the whole interior looked as if someone with the worst cold in the world sneezed all over the insides and no one cared enough to clean up afterword's. Gross I know.

I struggled for a long time to keep my spirits up and to keep going there day after day. I was becoming depressed again and I could feel the good warmness I was so use to feeling inside of me drain away quickly.

Anyone who knows me knows I have been a practicing witch for along time. I had been working Career and Job spells for months and months and the only thing that had come through for me was gross old Convergys. I began to doubt myself and my abilities to manifest good and wonderful things into my life. Depression truly set in at this time. I would be driving to work in tears hoping my car would vear off the road and hit the concrete barrier just so I wouldn't have to go to work that day.....NOT GOOD PEOPLE......NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!!!!!

One night around the middle of May I was sitting in my circle trying to do yet another New Job/Career Spell hoping that this one would work, when out of the blue my bestest Friend Jade called and said that she could feel me and knew something was up and wanted to know. (Jade is a very gifted Clairvoyant and always calls just at the right moment)

I immediately burst into tears I told her what I was trying to do. She laughed and told me not to stress anymore, she was going to help me. As I sat with my beautiful brown and green candle reciting the incantation, she walked me through an Quantum NLP process. (I will explain more in a later post about what QNLP is, for now, Just Google it and know it WORKS!!!)
Basically what we did that night is take the fear of not getting the job of my dreams out of me and we replaced it with good warm love from the Archangels. We made a list of exactly what I wanted a new job to be filled with only putting positive words and intent into my list.

I wanted to work in a small office environment where my contributions would be recognized and appreciated. Where they would pay me a fair wage for a fair days worth of work. A place where I could easily make Friends and be an important part of a team. Where the work load was easy and I would catch on quickly. A Job in which I wasn't expected to sell anything. A place that I could see myself staying for a very long time.

2 weeks later I received a phone call from a lovely woman by the name of Robin Hartman from a company I put in an application for almost 2 months earlier. Cogent Health Care. Hmmmm, Now where did I hear that name before, Oh Yeah......My Aunt Janet has worked for Cogent for almost 10 years and she told me back the first of April to get my Resume in to the HR department, that she thought they were hiring.

Robin asked if I was still interested in interviewing for a position for the Walgreens Pharmacy Help Desk Agent that a few positions opened up. I jumped on it and said YYYEEESSS. (Well, not quite that way, I was very professional and polite and did not scream yes in poor Robins ear, but Inside I was jumping for JOY!!!!)

3 days later I was sitting in Robins office with Resume in hand and dressed to kill. The interview went so well she had me come in for a second interview with the Department manager and Supervisor. again, Three days later I was once again sitting in an office in front of two very sweet ladies feeling very good about my chances. I went home that afternoon and thanked the Archangels Michael and Raphael for this incredible chance at a new beginning. I felt like I could do anything.
Robin did tell me I would have to wait about a week before a decision was made and that I would know then one way or the other. 7 days, 7 long long days I waited. I continued to go to work at Convergys, Hating every minute of it, yet Praising my Angels for the wonderful new chance they were giving me. I would sit in my grungy little cubical and envision myself sitting at Cogent in a nice big cubical living a good life and loving my job.

The 7'th day came and no phone call by noon. ( I stayed home from work that day just to take this phone call...LOL) I made a decision, If I didn't hear anything by 2 o'clock I would call Robin and get the verdict. 2 o'clock came and I couldn't stand it anymore, I picked up the phone and called Robin and she gave me the GREAT news. I was hired. thanking Robin profusely I hung up the phone and again, burst into tears. This time in complete joy and gratitude at the wonderful gift I had just been given. I gave thanks to my Angels for helping make this happen, I gave thanks to my Mother Goddess Bridget for standing by me and accepting my Magick, I gave thanks to my guides, My Grandmother Virgina, My ancestor Colin Campbell and I gave thanks to The Universe in General.

I started my new job on June 8'th and I have never looked back. And let me tell you all something.....It is just like Jade and I created in my Magickal circle that night in May. I work in a small office environment where my contributions are recognized and appreciated. I am paid a fair wage for a fair days worth of work. It is a place where I can easily make Friends and be an important part of a team. The work load is easy and I did catch on quickly. I don't have to sell anything. This really is a place that I can see myself staying for a very long time.
The long and short of it all is.....I am HAPPY!!!!!

Brightest Blessings to you all!!!!!

Hiding in Plain Sight

I stood in the shadows
You stood in the doorway
I was hidden by darkness
The light streamed over you

You looked beautiful

All I could do was stand and watch
So close, Oh so very close
I could of reached out and touched you
But I didn't

Yet I wanted to, More than anything.

I could hear your voice
I stood silent
I could feel your warmth
It made me glow

You filled me up with your happiness, It has been a long time

You stood bathing in the light
A giant among men
Happier than you had been in a long time
This was a gift from the Goddess

My heart was glad for you and I wanted to share in this with you so badly

I loved you fully and completely at this moment
And I begged for more
"Please let this be the beginning of more things to come,
Magickal things filled with wonder"

I loved you fully and completely at this very moment
Fully and Completely. Hiding in plain sight.

That Hoodoo that you do so well

Things I Should Be Doing

So my friend Jade told me this afternoon that the Magickal items I've given to her to try out have been working phenomenally. She feels I should be selling these items online.

I make different types of magickal oils. You use them to dress candles for candle spells and such. You can also use a drop or two in your bath water for a magickal bath to cleanse yourself before you begin your spell work. I make money and luck drawing oils, I make an incredibly strong power oil and I make a very nice love drawing oil.

She says however that my banishing powder is by far the strongest product I make. Jade and a few of her other friends have tried it out here and there and have had wild and wonderful results. A friend of Jade's placed some of this powder under her bosses chair and she stated that her boss could not stay in his seat the whole day. Something was always coming up to get him away from his desk. Jade used some to remove a bad problem in her business life and her energy has risen and the calmness has returned.

I am thinking either I need to start my own Etsy or just transfer my Tarot site into an actual business for my magickal goods.

The ABC's of Amy

So I found this little bit of fun stuff on many blogs over the last few weeks and I thought...hmm...My turn....so here goes...All about Amy.



A. Age: 37 and I don't wish to discuss this.

B. Bed size: California King...It's massive and oh so comfy

C. Chore you dislike: Dishes, with an all consuming fiery passion of a thousand suns.

D. Dogs: Many in my lifetime but none right now.

E. Essential start to your day: Hot shower and a cold Coke.

F. Favorite color: Green in all it's shades

G. Gold or silver: Sterling Silver or White Gold.

H. Height: 6'1

I. Instruments you play(ed): Classical Cello for over 8 years

J. Job title: Customer Service Rep, Web Site Builder, Mom

K. Kids: 2 wonderful human children and 4 feathery furry babies.


My 17 year old son J.D.


My 14 year old daughter Julie


They really do love each other


My sweet kitty Butch


My sweet kitty Scooter


My little birdie Lenny


My noisy little room mate Mr. Nibbles

L. Live: Utah

M. Mom’s name: Carolyn

N. Nicknames: Ame's, Amos, Blondie, Wench

O. Overnight hospital stays: A few times


P. Pet peeves: Uptight Close minded Condescending Know it all's.

Q. Quote from a movie: "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?" ~Monty Python and The Holy Grail


R. Righty or lefty: Righty.

S. Siblings: Kelly, Joanie and Holly

T. Tattoo's: My very first and only tattoo I got a week ago and I love her so very very much


U. Underwear: I love very comfy, Very cute boy shorts....No wedgies.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Way to many to count. it would be easier to tell you about the vegetables I do like

W. What makes you run late: Usually my kids or my lack of wanting to get up out of bed on time.

X. X-rays you've had: Lots. Bad knees, bad kidneys, bad back the car chrash that left 40 stitches in my head


Y. Yummy food you make: My kids pretty much love anything I make from scratch. I love to cook. I would have to say my cheesecake is to die for, JD loves my homemade Pizza and Pasta, Julie loves my Grilled Salmon with oven roasted potatoes and Corn Cakes.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: I hate the zoo. The only zoo I have ever been too was the Hogal Zoo in Salt Lake. It's tiny and small and the poor animals look all cramped and miserable. But I do love the big cats. Mountain Lions especially. (She is my Totem after all.)